The "Friend Zone"

There has always been talk, thanks to several real-life situations, movies, and I'm sure that little Free Love movement back in the 60's, about being "just friends" or being "more than just friends". "Do you like him? Or do you like like him?" We've all heard it before. So let's really look at this. If you are confused between whether or not you simply "like" your best friend or if you just might "like like" him or her, I am about to attempt the impossible by trying to categorize what qualifies as "just friends: you like them" or "more than friends: you like like them"...wish me luck here, and no flying vegetables, please.

First, maybe I should discuss the influences that can stir up the feelings that bring this confusing "like like" situation into play. I blame two sources: whoever created old cliches, and the media (as always). There is an old phrase that says that boys and girls can never be best friends and stay "just friends", and the media supports this with fervor--"Valentine's Day", for a very recent example, showed innumerable relationships blossoming, failing, maturing, becoming more honest, what have you, but what was the scenario for the main character, Ashton Kutcher (designated as such simply because he and his female counterpart were the connecting factors for nearly all the stories)? Upon discussing relationships with Mario Lopez, he was given the response to his question of how Mario had made his relationship work so well of "That's easy! I married my best friend!" Hollywood loves to do that "it's the girl/boy who was always there for you, but you never thought to consider the fact that you might love them" thing, and that can sometimes happen in real life, too. My parents started out as best friends, and things just sort of fell into place for them after that, but not everyone is going to get that specific fairy tale.

Now let's discuss the feelings themselves. Here are some criteria I've noticed that seem to describe a best friend: You've known this person for a long time. You're comfortable around them. You don't have to change parts of your personality to fit them. They fit into your life well. You may or may not have noticed how attractive they are or aren't in your opinion due to not having thought of it before now. They are reliable. They text or call you to invite you places, instead of you always having to do all the planning work in the friendship. You have found yourself singing around them with little to no regard of how they might judge your talents--that probably never even crossed your mind to begin with! You enjoy enough of the same things to get along, but you disagree on enough subjects to sustain stimulating and entertaining arguments with each other. When you are around them, you honestly feel free venting because they'll listen, and you can listen to them without making the conversation about you because they already know enough of your past to know that you understand. You really do forget that infuriating fight you had with another friend or an ex-boyfriend or boyfriend, and it just doesn't seem to mean anything to you anymore. You mentioned something hours, days, months, years ago, and today something pertaining to that subject happened causing your friend to look at you and you to nod before he or she has to say anything, to which he or she simply nods his or her understanding, and the two of you move on.

That, my friends, is a best friend.

But how many people do you think would tell you that you two must love each other without realizing it? And how many of us would stop and think, "Well, huh, maybe they're right. Maybe I'm one of those lucky people who gets the adorable fairy tale..."

But what if we're just letting what others say get into our heads, and hidden emotions are really not the case right now, and you two give it a shot, and it doesn't work, and you're left with a ruined friendship that had been such a comfort to you before? Then I bet you'd be smashing your head against a wall... I know I would...

While this has yet to be scientifically confirmed, I would classify this as "just friends: you like them". Give it a few years, and see how you feel when you're a bit older and have made a few more mistakes with significant others whose loss don't leave such an everlasting sting on your heart before you put a once-in-a-lifetime best friendship on the line. Leave the fantasies for Hollywood. No one gets hurt in dreams, but reality may be a bit different in many cases. I'm not saying it will never happen, but I am saying that I think you should be without any doubts when gambling something as precious as a best friendship.

Now, for those of you who get butterflies in your stomach, and can't breathe due to a pounding heart, and think about this recently introduced guy or girl 24/7. To you I say, get out a bit more. Attempt to hang out with this object of your affections on a more friendly basis before you go diving head-first into a relationship. Dating used to be very popular. It made "going steady" a gesture of honesty and importance. Going steady said, "even though there were no strings and good, clean fun before, I'd like to take that step into Commitment-land and show you how special I think you are...maintaining the good, clean fun part, of course..." Nowadays, dating is seen as trashy and indecisive. For all the positive things that have been distorted and tainted into something unethical, yet no longer taboo, that society now urges us to accept regardless of morals, dating seems to have gone the opposite route. It was harmless and safe, mostly because people didn't have sex ASAP, which I will blatantly tell you I do NOT agree with, no matter what society says these days.

In my honest opinion, I wish we all had a best friend that we could safely fall in love with for the rest of our lives without losing the precious bliss of friendship, but I know that people are beautifully complicated deep inside, and that makes it much more difficult than, "You're my best friend--let's get married!".

Tread softly, dear readers. Don't lose something wonderful when you have plenty of time to find that Certain Someone. Who knows who you'll meet tomorrow? But don't forget who is important now and pretty much always has been. Don't forget the happiness that you have because of your history, and use it to consider your best decisions for the future. Can you not live without this person? Would you be devastated if they left you? Then I urge you to wait. If it is meant to be, by the time you two realize, beyond doubt, that you are meant to be "more than just best friends," when you find that you both "like like" each other to the point that you may even love each other, you'll have even more inside jokes and memories to fuel your lives together and keep you close for that Happily Ever After that we all desperately search for. And if it's not meant to be, you'll find someone to love and have your best friend as well. Bonus! Right?

So, in conclusion (and here's where the flying vegetables might take flight), I hate to sound like a Magic 8 Ball, but..."Only time will tell...Ask yourself again later..." ;)